I cooked dinner. I bathed the babies. I put them to bed. I greeted him with excitement and a kiss. It was my turn...you know, before I got back to the list that still included laundry, pumping, and cleaning up the kitchen. I took a shower - a 25-35 minute shower. And it wasn't even one of those relaxing, enjoyable ones. No, it took me that long because I hadn't shaved in like 10 days. So really, it was just more work that I was crossing off the list.
I got dressed and dove into folding laundry as it was already 9:00. I hear a few choice words from the bathroom then he comes storming out with this look on his face that pierced right through me. "There's no hot water. I'm disgusting, and all I wanted to do was shower."
Immediately I felt this rage come over me. Who does he think he is!? He's been gone all night (at practice), and just walks in like I owe him something! Owe him more than the meal on the table, clean house, sleeping babies, and folded laundry - mind you I work full time!
He tried to apologize, but I didn't feel like it was enough at the time. So, instead of talking about it because I wouldn't have had anything to say that wasn't condescending, resentful and stubborn, I prayed the rest of the night for God to help him see me, to understand my side of things, where I'm coming from, what I do for him. To make him realize he can't just pop off like that without repercussions of hurt feelings. Then it hit me...I should be doing all that I'm asking. And that's when I realized that I don't let him complain.
I haven't given coaching the credit it deserves as his calling. Rather, I've always treated it as his "hobby," his fun, this CHOICE. And because of that, he doesn't get to complain about it. The wind was blowing and you were cold at practice? Buck up. You don't have time to golf anymore? Seriously, poor you. You have to spend your plan hour at school writing practice plans? Must be rough. I used all the hot water and all you wanted to do was shower after getting to play all afternoon? Who does he think he is?
More like who do I think I am!
Now stick with me ladies - trust me, this isn't easy to own.
If you're like us, adding coach to the resume doesn't bring in the big bucks, in fact, sometimes it even costs us money. And that can build resentment in a marriage faster than anything. BUT THAT'S NOT THE POINT...and deep down we know that or we wouldn't be in this situation; we'd have run a long time ago!
Sure, coaching is his fun. And it is his choice. But it's bigger than a hobby; it's bigger than him. It's why he was put on this Earth. It's the calling God planted in his heart. But it's also hard, and sometimes the hard clouds the reason. So, while I was busy praying for God to make him see me, I was blindsided with the light to see him, the sudden insight to understand his side of things, and the empathy to feel where he's coming from. And the reminder that part of my calling is to be his. His support, his refuge, his encouragement...and my lack of compassion was just getting in the way.
Have any of you ever found yourself feeling like this? And most likely it's totally unbeknownst to your coach? How do you handle it? I write. This is me handling it...I'm going to wait for Coach to read this rather than try to ramble and stumble my way through an explanation and apology. So, thank you for being my platform!