My role as a wife and mother varies throughout the year. Ryan is our spiritual leader and head of the household. However, during the fall and spring, more is required of me in running those roles. I make many small and big decisions; some we get to discuss more than others. It is a delicate dance with which I often feel I have to frequently break out solo on.
I am naturally independent, but God didn’t create marriage so that one person could do this on their own. The challenge arises when he steps back into the dance and I need to let him lead, but I am getting better at it! Toes have been stomped on many times over the years.
Ryan says he has to constantly work at this too. He is pulled in so many directions. The passion he has for coaching and baseball is amazing. Yet at the same time, it can be a big challenge too. It is my role to be his #1 supporter, yet I also must hold him accountable as a husband and as a father. I need him and his daughters need him as well. No one else can fill his role in those areas.
Throughout this journey, there have been some key moments when I had to communicate to him what our needs were. It was hard, but so worth it. What we have today is because of some rough spots and some hard conversations.
What I have learned is to first pray for wisdom, then have the hard conversations together. There were times that I let things build up and wear me down until I hit the breaking point. DON’T DO THAT. BAD IDEA!
At one point, two different coaches we had both looked up to had marriages that came crashing down. It shook me to the core. I questioned if you could be a coach, husband, and father. When people you looked up to doing so, people you put on a pedestal fell off it – it makes you question things you once thought you knew. Now, years down the road, I can say with full confidence that YES YOU CAN.
Our biggest challenge is to be the woman by his side to support him and hold him accountable to be the man he is called to be – in all facets of life. It isn’t easy, but it is worth it.